Quitters never win. It's something we hear all the time, but do you really "get" what that means? I think it's really a question of your integrity, heart, and ultimately your identity.
Integrity involves many things, but in this case I'm talking about your ability to finish what you started or fulfill a commitment/promise. When you sign up for a team of any kind, you make a commitment to be there every time until your season/project is finished. People are counting on you to be there and you said you would be.
Heart: Do you want it enough to push through the bad/difficult times? Do you believe in yourself even when no body else does? Can you rise above not only the expectations of others, but your own potential?
Identity: Are you secure in who you are? Can you do your best, and give everything you have only to lose or fail at achieving your goal and be okay with it? Can you accept that things don't always go the way you want them to, forget about it, and try again tomorrow?
I learned all of these things through soccer. I remember getting cut from my soccer team. I was so upset I wanted to quit soccer all together. Thankfully, I had a mom and dad that wouldn't let me. Even though I complained and fought them the whole way, they forced me to go try out for another team. They wouldn't let me quit something I loved just because things didn't go the way I wanted them to. Then two years later when my new team began to flounder, I wanted to quit again. My mom said "absolutely not! You signed up to play with this team for the whole year and you will honor that commitment. When the season is over and you still want to quit then okay, but you will not quit on your team in the middle of the season. That also means you will do your best everyday." I finished the season and decided I still wanted to play, but not with that group of people. Not because we didn't win or because I didn't like my teammates. I left because the other members of the team didn't have that same commitment to the team that I did and their parents weren't making them show up.
I remember these two moments in life, because they were both big moments when my parents decided to be my parent and teach me life lessons rather than be my friend and make me feel better. At the time I didn't appreciate those moments, but now I know the value of these lessons. Integrity goes a long way in life, build it up and don't compromise it.
The reality that sometimes skill, talent, and speed weren't enough to win and that sometimes it just comes down to who wants it more I learned from a stranger. My teammates and I were waiting to play in the championship game of a tournament and decided to sit and watch a boys game. The team whose sideline we sat on and cheered for were complete strangers to us. They ended up losing their game and afterwards their coach said something to his boys that penetrated the heart of my team and we carried it into our game. He told his boys they didn't lose because the other team was bigger, they didn't lose because the other team was faster, and they didn't lose because the other team was better. He told them they lost because the other team wanted it more. As we huddled together before our game, our coach was preparing to say something to encourage us. Before he could speak, my co-captain and I posed this question to each other and our teammates, "Who wants it more?" Our goal was to win the tournament and we determined we weren't going to let them take that from us. Simply put, we wanted it more and we continued to remind each other of that. As that cool, autumn night came to an end, we went home with a championship trophy and the knowledge that sometimes you have to push yourself beyond your known limits to achieve your dreams.
At the same time, my high school coach was teaching me, again, not to quit. My freshman year we got beat in a pre-season game. After the game, our coach really reamed us for giving up and quitting on ourselves, our teammates, and him. He said we were representing more than just ourselves, we represented each other, him, our school and our town. Our teammates, school, and town deserved better than a bunch of quitters. He told us he didn't care what the scoreboard said, that we would not quit, ever. He taught us to fight for everything until the final whistle blew.
When my soccer career ended as the result of a string of serious injuries, I felt a little lost. I wasn't sure of who I was without being part of a team and without having a ball at my feet. When the school year ended a few weeks after telling my coach and teammates that I was hanging up my boots, my coach wrote something in my yearbook that helped me understand who I was:
"I am truly going to miss you on the soccer field next year. You are an inspiring player who always "leaves nothing" on the field. I respect and admire your approach to games and your ability to always maximize and exceed your potential. You truly epitomize what an over achiever is. Thanks for all you have given Sandite Soccer and remember to apply the same principles in the rest of your life..."--Roger Bush, May 2000
In that one paragraph, I was reminded of who I was. I was reminded that when I took the field nothing else in the world mattered except soccer. That allowed me to give everything I had to my team and the game. For 90 minutes nothing else mattered, but when I stepped off the field and took my cleats off there were other things in the world that deserved my attention. I wasn't just a soccer player. Because I gave everything for the duration of a game, I could walk away with my head held high knowing that even when we lost, I couldn't have done anything else to change the outcome. I was reminded that I wasn't afraid to push myself to be better than expected. I could walk away with no regrets and knowing that I had all the tools to be successful. I knew who I was and I knew I had worked hard to become that person. My achievements weren't just handed to me, they were earned. I did the work and gave my best effort, I didn't take short cuts and I didn't cheat and was rewarded for it.
This past fall and spring I volunteered as an assistant coach for an U-12 boys team. Needless to say, we were always the underdog. Half of our players had no soccer experience and most of them weren't very competitive and just wanted to have fun. That made it hard on someone as competitive as myself. I struggled to try to teach them these same things. They're not quite old enough or ready to learn these life lessons. At 10 and 11 years old, they really are more concerned about having fun. So I decided to focus on just one of these lessons. Never Quit. I told them the same things I was told. No matter what the score is we never quit. Whether we're up by ten or down by twenty, we fight for every ball. It took the whole season to finally get that kind of effort out of them and though we still lost, it was a spectacular game. Our regular season is over and we have one week to prepare for a tournament. After a tough season that yielded only two wins, both by forfeit, one of our guys quit the team. His mom sent a text message to let us know. (I won't even go into that). The reasons she gave were that he was tired of being on a losing team and he was tired of the other boys being bossy, not listening, and not playing as a team.
That last reason really stood out to me. He was tired of them not playing as a team, yet he himself is quitting his team. Not exactly something a team player does. I understand his feelings, but I am bothered that his parents are teaching him it's okay to quit by allowing him to do so. I recognize she is doing what she thinks is best for her son, but I don't agree with it. If she had told him he had to finish this week and the tournament then he could find a different team, it wouldn't bother me so much. It's the quitting that gets to me.
I am not a parent, but people please. Do not teach your kids that it's okay to quit by allowing them to do so. They need to learn things don't always go their way and sometimes they have to deal with annoying/bossy/selfish people. They need to have a sense of self and be able to fail at something and no it's okay because they gave their best effort even if no one else involved did.
It really irritates me when I see parents allow their kids to quit before the finish line. I imagine that kid growing up and quitting every job or great experience he/she has when they don't like someone or things don't go their way. As I said, I am not a parent, but I encourage you to teach your children the value of integrity and part of that is fulfilling their commitments and not quitting early no matter what. You cannot win in life if you are always quitting.
I wish this young man all the best and I hope quitting early doesn't become a fixture in his life, because quitters never win.
