The majority of my friends are one of these women. In fact, out of all my friends, they are the only ones I hang out with. A fact which presents it's own problems, but I'll get to those later. Of my "mommy friends," I've watched how motherhood has changed them and how it's challenged them. Often, I find myself envying them and the lives they have. They're married with their 2.5 kids and beautiful homes they've lovingly decorated. It's a life I thought I'd have years ago. Trying to be content with my singleness is increasingly difficult when I'm around my dear friends, but I either listen to them talk about their kids' poop or I quit hanging out with them and that's just not an option for me.
For some of them, being a stay at home mom is what they've always dreamed of doing. There's nothing wrong with that. I admire that they visualized a dream and they are living their dream. Some people work their entire lives and never realize their dreams. I don't know if I'll ever realize my dreams. I'm not really sure what my dreams are anymore.
The past six years have changed my life in ways I never thought possible. I look at myself now and have to wonder how did I get to this place. It's as if I've been stuck in the same place for six years and unaware of it the whole time. Now that I've figured that out, I don't know where to go or how to get there. I'm not even sure I know how to take that first step. Sometimes I think about just packing up and leaving town. Going to a place where I can start over without any expectations; past, present or future. But how? I don't have any money and I don't have any idea what I want to be/do. I'm not giving up, I'm just stuck.
